Sunday, November 22, 2009

a little bittle bio

by Jyll

Well it's Sunday morning, and as per tradition Liz is working her way through her hangover at the coffee shop and I am sitting around the house in my (cute) jammies doing my makeup and kind of talking to my BFF Kerra on the phone (see "The Jyll Bitch Move" for more information on that). We aren't usually such degenerate drunks, but I think our newfound friendship is bringing out the idiot in both of us. With my inner idiot quite naturally dwarfing Lizzie's. We aren't usually such retards, though, even though our behavior last night doesn't lend credence to the fact. The owner of the deli on 12th and A certainly wasn't very impressed with our intelligence, what with the massive pile of cheetohs we left on the floor and the time we spent reading our fortunes in our baci chocolates. Sorry, Li-Chen, we'll be good girls next weekend!

We really are nice girls though. Smart, too, questionable on my part but a big for sure on Liz's. She has a BA in English from the University of Michigan. I have a BA in History from San Francisco State. We graduated in 2007 and have so far used our liberal arts degrees to advance ourselves in such exciting careers as food service and childcare. We're debating grad school but the cost is batshit insane so we're taking our sweet time.

I've spent the last two years traveling around Europe as an au pair, kind of a redneck Mary Poppins. I work my way from country to country, eating and drinking and flirting and playing with babies. I'm in New York because my visa expired in Italy and the new Schengen agreement makes it impossible to bribe your way to a new one like in the days of yore (or ummm so I've heard), so I found myself having to get the fuck out of Rome or lose my ability to enter the Schengen states for 10 years. I found a live-in nanny job in Manhattan, and four days later I was eating granola in the East Village.

The family that I am living with now are stereotypes of themselves, but I love them anyway. He's a professor, she's a designer. They eat only raw food, including meat and dairy, which we have shipped in bi-weekly from an Amish farm in Pennsylvania. I know. Cooking food puts toxins in it, you see, which we humans mustn't have or we'll get old and get cancer. Raw food makes you live forever and you will NEVER get sick or wrinkled. If you do, you're simply detoxing from years of toxic waste in your system. Their doctor's book actually says that most of our bowel movements should come from e. coli and not from fiber. Which is cool, I mean I respect people who are crazy so good for them. I'm allowed to cook, but it's a great diet to live in a house with nothing but raw fatty organ meat and vegg. I've taken to eating raw eggs because it means I don't have to wash the pan, and raw meat is cool by me because it's just so savage that I can respect the concept. If they were raw vegan or something artsy I would talk a lot more smack, but how can I make fun of someone gnawing on a fattie piece of raw cow heart? It's just so real. It's a total culture shock from Italy, but I think New York is a total culture shock from anywhere.

More later, time to pick up my phone and "uh huh" Kerra.

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