The Jyll Bitch Move

by Jyll

My BFF in California is on the phone right now. I love love love her in person, but she only calls me when she's high, and only to tell me lengthy, over detailed stories about people I don't know or care about, and it's annoying. Rather than not answer, or ask her nicely not to call me when she's stoned, I just put the phone down and pick it up to say "uh huh" and "niiiiiiice" every few minutes. Right now I'm watching Southpark and Kerra must be on some good shit because she's high enough that I can get away with literally putting the phone on the floor and picking it up every commercial break for a few words. Bloody hell. Today she is launching into yet another story about an aging 80's rockstar (and, yes, if I named him you'd totally know him) that she is sometimes fucking, which is problematic as she works with his wife and is starting to like the woman. It would be interesting if this hadn't been going on for over 3 years and if we hadn't had this same "conversation" for, you guessed it, over 3 years.

In a few minutes she'll compare notes on the girls at work, the bitch at the coffee shop, her fiancee, her mom, her ex-husband, her dog, and then I'll put the phone on silent and turn up the TV and in the morning I'll text her and tell her I had a long day at work and just plumb fell asleep.

I'm the best friend EVER.